Only the English could have invented the language
Nigel WinkleyMember for 20 years 5 months
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We’ll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
Then shouldn’t the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn’t the plural of booth be called beeth?
Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!
Let’s face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren’t invented in England.
We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham?
Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.
We have noses that run and feet that smell.
We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposite
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on.
And, in closing, if Father is Pop, how come Mother’s not Mop?
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
Then shouldn’t the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn’t the plural of booth be called beeth?
Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!
Let’s face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren’t invented in England.
We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham?
Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.
We have noses that run and feet that smell.
We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposite
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on.
And, in closing, if Father is Pop, how come Mother’s not Mop?
7 replies
Oldest first- 0Mike Testro ·Hi Nigel
It is a joyful set of words that we call English.
There are words that mean the opposite depending how you use it.
To make something fast for instance.
And then there is the use of the double negative that confuses so many learners.
The question at mealtimes "Don’t you like it?" elicits the answer "No I Don’t" from an natural English speaker but "Yes I don’t" from a learner - correct but puzzling.
Then there is the story of the Japanese student studying English in London and finding it very difficult. Came up out of the tube in Shaftsbury Avenue and saw a poster outside a Theatre - "Cats! Pronounced Success" - took one look and threw himself under a bus.
Best regards
Mike T. - 0Nigel Winkley ·Hi Ali
I do know French and ’try’ to speak it.
Very similar words, RADICALLY different meanings. I was in a supermarket and asked the young female shelf stacker where the "preservatifs" were "for my breakfast".
Preservatives in English = jam, marmalade, etc. Preservatifs in French = condoms!
A little knowledge is an embarrassing thing... - 0Mike Testro ·Hi Ali
In our family we play a game of multiple translations where an English phrase is turned into French and the back again - for example:
Enough is Enough turns into An Egg is An egg by way of Un eouf et Un eouf.
While Me Too turns into I am an Australian - Moi Aussie.
You are right we should get out more.
Best regards
Mike T. - 0Alexandre Faulx-Briole ·Hello there,
it is very fashionable here in France to translate French sentences or phrases word to word to English, and to use them in French afterwards; pretty ridiculous
for instance: "Va te faire cuire un oeuf" = "Go and have an egg cooked"; "Les doigts dans le nez " (something you can do les doigts dans le nez is something really easy) = "Fingers in the nose" (was the brand name for technical books the same way as "for the dummies")
and so on ...
Alexandre
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